Finally sitting down to my annual review since it’s February. There’s been a constant monologue in my head about the changes and transitions that the year brought, but I haven’t found the time or energy to put it all down yet.
I’ll start with blogging. It’s obvious I stopped blogging regularly quite a while ago. Maybe almost a year ago. I, like many bloggers, fell under some harsh criticism from people close to me and felt so judged and unjustified in having this blog at all. I suddenly felt like my life was this laughing spectacle that just opened me up to being wounded.
I really want to come back to this place, though. I think my Mom said it best: “You have to be you, because nobody else can do it.” And I think that a part of me is this space. So come criticism and mockery, I might slowly begin making my return.
Next: the year. 2013 was the wildest. It captured the most joy and the most sorrow all in the span of 12 small months. Matt and I, having been married in the month of December several years ago, like to pick one thing that we feel God is challenging us to, or calling us to, every year. In 2012 we prayed to be uncomfortable. God made us uncomfortable in more ways than we had really hoped, but it helped us to grow. In 2013, we prayed over the transitions we knew were coming. We said, “this will be the year of transitions!” It was exciting. But we had no idea what we were praying for.
Transition #1: My dad moved in with us in December for 6 months while he was in his own transition period before moving to Thailand. It seems like a small thing, but it was a period of growth for both Matt and I, and especially between my dad and myself. We grew so close that the goodbye was that much more painful.
Transition #2: GRADUATION! The big G. The moment I had been waiting for since I understood what college graduation was. School was never really for me. I often skipped high school to go snowboarding or go to a coffee shop. So this was a big moment. And this transition ended up being the largest. But graduation brought on new struggles that I was so foreign to, it threw me completely out of my mind. I shut down. My Dad moved away, we moved to Beaverton where I was extremely depressed, and I, in a way, threw my husband’s love back in his face. June to September was an extremely rocky period for my marriage, and it was a HUGE test of my relationship with God. Matt and I prayed to God through our angriest and most hurt time. I went to church despite everything in me wanting to do the opposite. I stayed with Matt instead of running away from everything. Graduation day was glamorous, but the aftermath was anything but. I was lost. That is what you would have seen on my blog had I kept this thing up. A non-glamorous, lost, recent college graduate.
In the midst of this crazy transition, I started working at Nordstrom. The internship program demanded that I be at work from 7-5 nearly every day. Before we moved I was commuting 2 hours either way with traffic, and after we moved I was commuting 40 minutes with traffic. I was never home. I put a smile on my face all day and came home angry. Even when I was promoted to assistant manager… it was an outward show of success that was not happening inside of my heart.
Transition #3: Seattle.
On the very same day that I graduated from the intern program, Matt and I found out that we had been selected as the tenants for our Ballard house. God’s timing was perfect. It was the best thing to happen to me, my relationship with God, and my marriage. A new city with entirely new people. No familiar faces, no familiar church. I fell in love with this place. The quaintness, the convenience, the activities, the people, the atmosphere, the school (UW), the views. I loved everything about Ballard. I started recording my first album, got involved in an amazing church, and started working my tail off in the early fall to prepare myself for grad school. From conducting videos to college visits and meeting professors, I was so ready to undertake the next step of my life that I never thought I would get to do. I was going to FINALLY be in school for what I wanted: music. A degree in choral conducting. A dream come true.
Transition #4: A baby.
Which we announced to the facebook world recently through THIS video.
On the EXACT SAME DAY that my graduate application was due, we found out that we are having a baby. My calendar has these two major events written on the same day, on the same page. Once again, God’s timing was perfect. The house that Matt bought 9 years ago in Gig Harbor Washington became available in December just days before we found out about the baby, and we realized we needed to make the move. With a less expensive mortgage than we were paying in rent, a safe neighborhood, a bigger house, and a great church to raise kids in, we moved yet again after living in Seattle for only 4 months. Yes, this means we lived in FOUR houses in FOUR cities in the last 6 months. What are we thinking.
This place is so different than Seattle. I am a city girl, and the quiet, older, calm, and dark little town on the harbor is like culture shock. I have been praying that God will reveal HIS dreams to me here, since I am giving mine up for this small precious life inside of me. I am praying to find God’s KINGDOM here, however I can. I am praying that He will show me the joy in following HIS calling instead of my own. And slowly, He is doing just that. Through a first friend, through getting connected at church, through starting my own piano lesson studio, He is doing just that.
So here we are expecting baby #1, starting our family. What a year.
-- And for those who are wondering, I am 13 weeks along. We are currently trying to squeeze in as many vacations as we can and get our house in order. We have been living in a construction zone, since we both have some immediate need to re-model any place we live in.
|From the night we found out: December 15.|