Leader and Servant.

I've always been a leader.  The girl to volunteer to sit at the front of the raft.  The girl to run for President of Chamber Choir as a sophmore.  The section leader.  The spin class instructor.  The first to jump in the water off the cliff. 

On top of this, I'm strong willed and career-oriented. 
Which is funny, because God has called me to be a wife - a helper - to submit to and respect my husband.
How can all of these qualities work together??  How does God expect me to lay down my life and become a chef, maid, and mom???

Somehow, my husband embraced the fact that this family has two leaders.  Not in a way that makes him feel powerless or disrespected - untrusted or inadequate.  But in a way that makes me feel supported while still keeping me and my crazy ideas in check.  I let him lead and make decisions, he listens to me and tries to follow the desires of my heart.  So, what does it look like to be a leader at heart but a servant in marriage?

I can lead girls.  I can write to you all on this blog about my faith, and hopefully by the grace of God inspire you to turn to Him yourself.  That is something that I dearly hope and pray that I can lead in.

I can lead a (first family) and career-oriented life before I'm a mom.  If I want to, I can get a big girl job.  I can make milestones.  I can succeed and do things I've always wanted to do before my real big girl job comes along.

I can lead at work.  By example, I can be the hardest worker.  Be the happiest employee that the customers talk to.  I can show great gratitude for my job and take pride in it.  Barista-ing isn't the most competitively paid job out there, but I can still lead.

I can lead worship.  And I do.  Hopefully people will see that my musical ability is a GIFT and only that.  HE is the reason I sing, the reason I praise, the reason I play keys.  God can use me to lead others to a time of utmost reverence of Him.  This... is beautiful.

I can follow and trust my husband's decision concerning where we should live.  Yes, I want to live in hostels across the world for 3 months at a time and work for non-profit organizations... but I made a decision.  A life-long committed decision.  A decision sealed with a kiss and God's promises.  I am married to the man of my dreams, and I trust him.

I can serve by cleaning the house, cooking food for a man who works his tail off, and loving the heck out of him.

I can let go of the fact that I never got to have the college experience that most people have.  I either lived with my parents or with my husband, and sometimes my envy of girls living in a house with no heat and barely any food bubbles up inside and makes itself at home.  I grow resentful.  I become jealous.  I think of how it could be.  These thoughts are wrong.  Someday I will look back and say, "I got to have an experience that NOBODY else got to have.  I did my homework with my husband by my side.  I lived in a house WITH a heater.  I took trips because I was able to. "

I know it is possible to be both the ways God designed me - a leader and a helper.  But I mean...1.5 years isn't that long.  I'm still getting the hang of this.  
Thank you Lord for your patience with me, and for Matthew.  The greatest gift you could have given me. 
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  1. Wow, AMENNNN to this post, girl! One of the hardest things about getting married for me was that I had to stop thinking about what I would do in any given situation or what I wanted to do, but instead think what should WE do, and consider my husband first, submitting to his plan. I love that you found ways to both serve and lead! Thank you so much for sharing this! God is glorified both ways : )

  2. This is beautiful. Such a good reminder and I needed it today. Thank you!!!

  3. I love this! I have been thinking the same thoughts as of late. But really, it's so much more beautiful to work with another person to make double the dreams come true, rather than just your own. Thanks for sharing.


  4. This is really great. I think having a leadership personality also allows you to appreciate the times where someone else can lead (such as a husband) because it's exhausting leading allllll the time. Learning to serve is vital to a happy marriage :) Thanks for the reminder.

  5. This post was definitely something that I needed to read. I am so ridiculously independent, that I often times forget the servant aspect of my relationship. This was definitely the little reminder that I needed. Thank you!

  6. Leading with a servant heart...I'm a work in progress on that one. It's a balancing act-thanks for breaking it down and reminding us that we are called to let our husbands lead in marriage.

  7. I love your insights on marriage on this blog.So thank you!

    I am about to get married in just a couple weeks, and I hope I can successfully manage the balancing act you speak of!

  8. I've been reading your blog for about a month now and haven't yet commented (that I can remember), but I had to speak up today! This is so inspiring because I've always wondered how life would be once I become married because I am the same way...a leader by nature and very strong willed. I'm actually looking forward to submitting to my future husband, but didn't really know what that looked like. What you've expressed paints the best picture of that marriage relationship. Thanks for that!

  9. absolutely amazing post, natalie. you and i are so similar- i am leader, as well, and struggle to submit. i also am very musical and lead worship. and am a student! i just love your blog. you just get me :) keep up the fantastic work!