1.26.2012

cabin fever.

Aside from the literal fever and literally being stuck on Cottage street.....

Lately I have been wanting to get out and do something more than I ever have.  I want to live somewhere new and experience people who are different than I am in every way you could imagine.  I want to live in a sketchy apartment downtown in some big city and work at a homeless shelter, or travel through Europe with no agenda (as does everybody I realize).  I want experience and excitement and new things.  

But don't we all?

Lately it has been like walking through thick mud to even begin to understand that those are just not the things God has planned for me right now.  I am a student.  I am a wife.  I am a homeowner.  I have responsibilities.  I am a sister, a daughter, and a friend.  I am blessed to have the greatest husband I could have asked for.  Why do I need so much more, and so many new things?

If anybody can answer that, well, that would sure be nice.  Because I can't.  All I know is that I want to go places and see things and live my dreams....

And there's the problem.  My dreams, not God's dreams.  The time I spend pondering the endless possibilities of travels far outweighs the time I spend reflecting and praying on what God has called me to, right here in Salem Oregon.  


Yuuugh.  I just thought maybe writing it all would help me believe it all.  Isn't it funny how we're called to the littleness of life?  God's plan is so backwards from ours, it just really trips me out.  And my little human-self can't seem to understand why I can't just GO.  

Just go..... just go to the neighbor's house and bring them some cookies already.  Seriously.  They moved in like 3 months ago.
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3 comments:

  1. just go--what a good motto. I need to think the same thing. separating the idea of our plans vs. God's plans is not an easy one...I still work on that every day :) hope you have a great weekend--and chin up! xoxo {av}

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  2. I believe that God's dreams and our own are, at the deepest level, exactly the same... Maybe the trick is finding the truth of both. I think we eventually hear it like our own heartbeat. You've always been a very free spirit, Natalie. :) God made you that way and we love you that way, too. Hope you're feeling lots and lots better.

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  3. Thank you both for your encouragement. I was just telling my husband yesterday how nice my blog-comments are, and how much they cheer me up. :)

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