A clip of the email I sent to my husband this morning that I wanted to share. God lit up my world this morning!
This morning I sat down...
(after buying Tom, the most regular customer out of all regulars at Govcup... 1st to show up at 6am DAILY) a birthday cup of coffee and for myself, a banana (because we're out and I hadn't had breakfast. It wasn't very good. Too soft) and a cup of tea (trying to stay away from sugar. For 1 day. Ha.)
... and turned on the Psalm projects. [which, for you readers, is a collection of CDs from Applegate in Medford... they have turned a BUNCH of the Psalms into songs. Helps immensely for memorization] The first one I turned on (un-intentionally) was Psalm 139. I began listening and thinking, man. What a sincere, humble, and wonderful prayer. I thought to myself, "I wish that was the Psalm I was reading today because I would totally listen to it, read it, AND send out a text about it!!!!" Well as you know, I am doing a 'series' on the Psalms, from 150 on down. I opened up my notes on my computer from my previous bible study, ad guess which Psalm I had read last. 140!!!!!!!!!! I was like... wait... but that means.... 139...... CRAZY! It wasn't all THAT crazy, but I kinda thought it was at the time, and was pretty stoked to read it.
I opened up to 139 in my NIV (with the ribbon bookmark) and started reading. The words from this Psalm I know very, very well, because at First Presbyterian church (when my mom was the choir director) we used to sing a version of it almost every day. "Looord you have seeeearched mee and knoooown meeee... you know everything I doooooo, when I rise (when I rise) and lie down (and lie down) you are withh meee through and through!!!"
So I began reading, expecting the same old thing that I had read and sung so many times before.
Something else happened though...
The words seamed to jump off the page and rejuvenate my anxious heart. I had been beat down yesterday with worry, so concerned with how I was feeling that I forgot about how great GOD is. Like we talked about on the phone, I had started praising Him last night, because that's what you do. Praise and thanksgiving is the token to getting out of depression and anxiety. So I bounced around the house, cleaning everything I didn't want to clean, praising Him endlessly. But I also prayed that He would deliver me and that He would come to my rescue in my suffering, because (this is really exciting) I have been learning more and more that God wants to hear it ALL. And what I really wanted to ask Him was to save me out of my suffering. So I did. And I praised Him for hearing me, and for whatever He would do, because I knew it would be what was right.
Psalm 139:11-12 "If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."
Psalm 139:17 "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!"
Vs. 23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Here is a little of what I wrote down in my journal entry in my reflecting on these encouraging words....
Lord, everything I do, you know why I do it and what I mean with it.You know how I process, make decisions, love others, judge others… you know it all.I can’t believe you know me like that.I feel embarrassed – humiliated before a perfect King.
This is how I feel!!!! Understanding God’s intimate knowledge of us is too much.I cannot fathom how You, Jesus Christ, can know me like you do.I cannot how fathom how you KNEW me when you died on the cross.How could you have thought of 7 billion people at once?How could you have possibly remembered 20 billion people?How do you know their names?Their thoughts like you know mine?How to you continually give them what they need in a song, in a scripture, in a friend…. Exactly at the right moment?How is every little detail all working together to make the big picture?!God, you are BLOWING MY MIND!
“fearfully”, according to Strong’s numbers, is ‘to cause astonishment and awe, be held in awe’ or ‘to inspire reverence or godly fear or awe’.Our very creation should cause reverence, godly fear, and awe.What I want to know is…. Should it cause these things in us?Or in others?Or both?
It has been such a wonderful morning. I can't recall the last time I remembered God answering my prayers within 24 hours. I asked for deliverance, He gave me a perfect Psalm and showed me His heart for me, AND a song to go with it!!!! Bonus.